Kulula Airlines

[Guren]

vi prego ditemi che questa compagnia aerea esiste veramente

a quanto pare quello che segue è un estratto dei PA (i noiosissimi annunci sulla sicurezza pre-decollo e post-atterraggio) usati da questa compagnia sud africana

Kulula Humour

"Please pay attention to the safety announcement, because you will be writing a test shortly".

"If you are caught smoking, you will be asked to leave the aircraft".

"You could be fined up to R7999 for smoking on the plane, and for these prices you could be flying SAA"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

"Me Tarzan, You on hold", when phoning Kulula and being put on hold.

"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull the belt tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one by now, then you probably shouldn't be allowed out in public unsupervised."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed in Cape Town . Please take all your possessions. Anything left behind will be shared equally between staff. Please note we do not accept unwanted mothers-in-law or children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

"Welcome to Johannesburg, if this is not where you were intending to go then you have a bit of a problem."

"Anyone caught jumping on the bed at any Protea Hotel will be charged R2,50 per jump and will be billed when you check out." (part of a Kulula ad, advertising Protea Hotel rooms).

Kulula Airlines humour after hard landings

After a hard landing on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

After a bumpy landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a less than perfect of a landing on a Kulula flight to Johannesburg, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Thank you for flying Kulula Airlines

"Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

Mi sa di bufala ma se esiste davvero prima o poi devo volare con loro