jack lende
27-11-2008, 18:07
Stupendo articolo inglese. L'originale qui (http://old-wizard.com/?p=1770).
Riporto solo frammenti.
10. Sei un supersoldato
Why can’t the protagonists in these games be something else like a car mechanic or a garbage man?
9. Marines spaziali
Along with Super Soldiers, there are too many games with Space Marines. Starcraft and the Warhammer 40K games are perfect examples. How about Space Monkeys? How about Space astronauts?
8. Tu sei il Prescelto
Fuck it, I don’t want to be the chosen one. I want to be the least chosen one for the mission. ...
This is why Mario was so innovative. Whoever thought to make a plumber “the chosen one” was an utter genius.
7. L'avventura comincia con l'eroe a letto
For 3 or 4 games, starting the game out in bed rule is fine, but at some point I want the developer to explain why the fuck the guy I’m supposed to be controlling can’t fucking wake up except when he needs to save the world and a woman.
6. Il villaggio del protagonista viene distrutto
Why can’t there be different reasons for a hero leaving a town to get vengeance? How about a brutal taxation system by a fascist or monarchical government?
5. L'eroe ha solo un genitore
Can anyone name an RPG where the RPG characters have both of their parents? These RPG’s many times take place in antiquated ages so you weren’t able to get divorced. Oh yeah, the father died in a battle with a villain you have to eventually face, or the mother was captured by the same villainous enemy.
4. Tutte le profezie invariabilmente si avverano durante il corso della storia
All legends are 100% accurate that are told throughout the game. Not only that, but all the rumors in these games are also 100% factual. All prophecies come true too. Forget the fact that legends and prophecies are founded on the mystery of them possibly not coming true.
3. Seconda Guerra Mondiale
How many wars have there been in the history of the world? Anyone who can count the exact amount will get a free Old-Wizard T-shirt. For the TV (History Channel), movie and video game medium though, there is only one war.
2. Il cibo ha effetti curativi
Picture this; you’re about to die and are gasping for your final breath. You’re rushed to the emergency room, and what does the doctor give you? A roasted chicken. You eat the chicken and walk out as if nothing happened.
1. Salvare una principessa
How are princesses always being kidnapped anyway? Don’t these kingdoms have any security? And why are they always being kidnapped anyway?
...
We may never know the answers to these question, but as long as there are new video games being made, its a sure bet that more princesses will be kidnapped.
Riporto solo frammenti.
10. Sei un supersoldato
Why can’t the protagonists in these games be something else like a car mechanic or a garbage man?
9. Marines spaziali
Along with Super Soldiers, there are too many games with Space Marines. Starcraft and the Warhammer 40K games are perfect examples. How about Space Monkeys? How about Space astronauts?
8. Tu sei il Prescelto
Fuck it, I don’t want to be the chosen one. I want to be the least chosen one for the mission. ...
This is why Mario was so innovative. Whoever thought to make a plumber “the chosen one” was an utter genius.
7. L'avventura comincia con l'eroe a letto
For 3 or 4 games, starting the game out in bed rule is fine, but at some point I want the developer to explain why the fuck the guy I’m supposed to be controlling can’t fucking wake up except when he needs to save the world and a woman.
6. Il villaggio del protagonista viene distrutto
Why can’t there be different reasons for a hero leaving a town to get vengeance? How about a brutal taxation system by a fascist or monarchical government?
5. L'eroe ha solo un genitore
Can anyone name an RPG where the RPG characters have both of their parents? These RPG’s many times take place in antiquated ages so you weren’t able to get divorced. Oh yeah, the father died in a battle with a villain you have to eventually face, or the mother was captured by the same villainous enemy.
4. Tutte le profezie invariabilmente si avverano durante il corso della storia
All legends are 100% accurate that are told throughout the game. Not only that, but all the rumors in these games are also 100% factual. All prophecies come true too. Forget the fact that legends and prophecies are founded on the mystery of them possibly not coming true.
3. Seconda Guerra Mondiale
How many wars have there been in the history of the world? Anyone who can count the exact amount will get a free Old-Wizard T-shirt. For the TV (History Channel), movie and video game medium though, there is only one war.
2. Il cibo ha effetti curativi
Picture this; you’re about to die and are gasping for your final breath. You’re rushed to the emergency room, and what does the doctor give you? A roasted chicken. You eat the chicken and walk out as if nothing happened.
1. Salvare una principessa
How are princesses always being kidnapped anyway? Don’t these kingdoms have any security? And why are they always being kidnapped anyway?
...
We may never know the answers to these question, but as long as there are new video games being made, its a sure bet that more princesses will be kidnapped.